


What Is This Feeling?

by Kaere



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Character, Aromantic!Hanschen, Ernst Is a Cutie Pie, Hanschen POV, Hanschen Swears A Lot, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentioned Moritz/Ilse, Mentioned Wendla/Melchior, Self-Hatred, Slut Shaming, amatonormativity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaere/pseuds/Kaere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanschen is sick of all his friends being in relationships and so goes to a bar on his own. Once there he sees Ernst who helps him discover something about himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Is This Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever written and the first prose I've written since high school so apologies for any mistakes. The title is from Wicked because I am the biggest muscial theatre trash. Hope you enjoy :).

“Want to watch a movie?” Hanschen asked from his position sprawled across the bed, his Latin textbook lying long forgotten on his chest.

“You know I can’t tonight, I have another date,” Wendla called from the bathroom where she was applying the last of her makeup.

“With _Melchior_.” Hanschen attempted to keep the scorn from his voice with little success.

“Yes with Melchior,” Wendla said, strolling into the bedroom. “I don’t see what you’ve got against him.”

“It’s obvious he wants to fuck you, I don’t see the point of going through the trouble of dancing around each other for a couple of weeks just because society says you should.”

“It’s _romantic_ ” she replied emphatically before plopping down on the bed beside him to put on her too-high-heels which she knew she would regret before the evening was done but still wore because she liked the way they made her legs look.

“It’s bullshit, if you want to fuck someone then go out and fuck someone,” Hanschen proclaimed sitting up. Wendla supressed her eye-roll, having heard this particular speech mere hours earlier. “Dating is so dishonest, it’s just people lying to each other in order to seem more interesting than they actually are so they can trick the other person into bed.”

“Yeah well we can’t all be massive sluts like you.” With that Wendla rose and grabbed her purse waving goodnight before closing the door and leaving Hanschen alone.

 _God I hate that word,_ he thought, collecting his books and returning to his own room across the hall.

His friends jokingly called him a slut on an almost daily basis and he knew that they didn’t mean it in a nasty way, but still. He saw the way their expressions closed up when yet another stranger strolled into the kitchen of their shared house the morning after a night out. He’s seen them exchange glances when he comes back from another blind date one of them set up, looking thoroughly fucked but unable to recall his date’s name. They don’t mean that he’s a slut except that they do.

It would be easier if they weren’t all pairing off and rubbing how disgustingly happy they are in his face. First it was Moritz and Ilse and now Wendla and Melchior were on their forth date in as many days. Film night this Friday was going to be unbearable, surrounded by couples snuggling and whispering sweet-nothings to each other or whatever the fuck couples did anyway. Hanschen missed when no one was dating and they all could just kick back and poke fun of the couples in the movies like they used. It seemed that being in relationships consumed all of his friends’ time and Hanschen was more often than not left to his own devices in their shared house.

 _Well fuck that!_ Hanschen thought, suddenly determined to have fun without them. Grabbing his jacket, wallet and keys, he scrawled out a note that simply read, “Gone out to find someone to have fun with, don’t wait up” and stuck it on the fridge door on his way out the house. He doubted that any of his friends would even see the note or wonder where he was, they’d be too wrapped up in their _dates_ , but he left it just in case.

 

* * *

 

Walking down the main street in town, Hanschen could feel his annoyance at his friends growing with every step. Why did they have to abandon him, now they were having sex or _dating_ as they liked to call it? He strode into the loudest bar in the hopes of drowning out the thoughts in his head. He didn’t want to be angry, he was happy for his friends, he really was. He just, didn’t understand. Settling into a stool at the bar he ordered a pint and was wallowing in his thoughts when a shout from across the bar caught his attention.

“Hanschen!” The boy in question turned around to see a tall gangly _fucking gorgeous_ guy standing up waving enthusiastically at him from a table full of people Hanschen vaguely recognised from classes.

 _Of course Ernst had to be here,_ Hanschen thought bitterly. Anyone else, Hanschen would have pretended not to know them and gone back to quietly minding his own business but one glance at Ernst who was still valiantly standing up and waving like an idiot, Hanschen knew he had no choice.

See, the problem was that Ernst was Hanschen’s lab partner for chemistry and also probably the nicest fucking human being in the whole galaxy.

Which made Hanschen massive boner for him make Hanschen feel all the more pervy.

Grabbing his beer, he weaved his way through the dense crowd to the very eager Ernst and his decidedly less eager looking friends. _God this was going to be awkward._

The people at the table dutifully shuffled around as he approached, leaving a way-too-small-to-maintain-appropriate-personal-space space next to Ernst. _Fuck._ Cautiously sitting down next to the brown-haired boy, Hanschen realised two things; one, he could feel the heat radiating off of Ernst across the minuscule space that was separating them, two, his jeans were getting uncomfortably tight.

_Double fuck._

“Everyone, this is Hanschen, Hanschen this is Anna, Georg, Thea and Otto” Ernst said gesturing around the group. Hanschen gave each of them a nod as they were introduced and promptly forgot their names as Ernst looked at him _and holy shit his eyes are beautiful up close._

Hanschen had to remind himself to breathe when Ernst turned away to continue chatting with his friends about some assignment they all had. Hanschen had been yearning after his lab partner since the moment Ernst had stuck out his hand in greeting on the first day on class and smiled that smile which lit up his face and made his eyes shine.

But Hanschen knew Ernst deserved more than sex. Ernst deserved _romance_ , he deserved someone who would shower him in roses and chocolates, who would want to cuddle on the sofa and whisper sweet-nothings to him instead of watching the goddamn movie.

Hanschen was not that person, Hanschen would never be that person.

And so he kept his hands to himself, nodded along to the conversation and answered any questions directed at him, all the while very conscious of the mere millimetres that separated him from the other boy.

 

* * *

 

As the night wore on Ernst’s friends, _what were their names again,_ left one-by-one, citing work or tiredness, until they were the only two left sitting at the table which made the negligible space between them even more obvious.

“So why did you come to the bar alone tonight?” Ernst asked.

The question caught Hanschen off guard, but the combination of the several drinks he’d had, the late hour and the irritation at his friends that had been simmering all night, led to Hanschen blurting out the truth.

“My friends are all too busy with their boyfriends and girlfriends to spend any time with me.”

“So you don’t have a boyfriend?” Ernst asked with a strange look, “or a girlfriend?” he hastily added.

 _Is he blushing?_ Hanschen thought. “No not really my area, I don’t do romance, if you want to fuck someone, then go out and fuck someone.” Hanschen replied, quoting himself from earlier that evening. The words somehow felt dirtier when spoken with his face inches from the wide-eyed Ernst who quickly ducked his gaze when he was caught staring.

“Oh, so you’re aromantic?” Ernst said taking a sip of his drink.

“What?” Hanschen said accusingly.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you, I know that I shouldn’t stereotype like that, I’ll just go now,” Ernst suddenly started moving away from Hanschen, making to grab for his bag. Hanschen grabbed his slender wrist to stop him saying,

“I’m not offended” Ernst sat back down with a relieved expression on his face. “I just don’t know what aromantic means,” Hanschen mumbled, he really didn’t like admitting to not knowing anything.

“We studied it in human sexuality, it means that you don’t experience romantic attraction but you can still experience sexual attraction, or not.” Ernst explained. “There is a whole community of people who are campaigning online against the negative stereotypes that aromantic people face.”

“That’s a thing?” Hanschen asked. His mind was reeling. _There were others like him? There was a word to describe how he felt?_ _He wasn’t a heartless -_

“Yeah” Ernst responded, pulling out his phone excitedly and a few seconds later handing it to Hanschen where a tumblr page with a list of definitions on it was displayed on the screen. It was a long list, full of words Hanschen had never heard of. But there it was, _aromantic – someone who does not experience romantic attraction._ A weight lifted from his mind that he didn’t know had been there until he felt the wave of relief hit him.

“I think I might be aromantic” Hanschen announced, a small smile at the corner of his lips.

“That’s great, I’m so glad I could help!” Ernst said smiling that smile again, the one that lit up his face.

Hanschen felt a wave affection for the other boy, _platonic affection the tumblr page so helpfully defined,_ and found himself grinning back when suddenly Ernst leant forward and pressed him lips to Hanschen’s. It was everything Hanschen had dreamt of, and believe me, he’d dreamt of it enough times, the warmth and firmness of Ernst lips insistent against his own, the alcohol in their systems making their movements sloppy. All at once the thoughts of Ernst deserving more than this came rushing back and Hanschen pulled away suddenly, leaving the smaller boy off-balance and confused, a look of hurt in his wide brown eyes.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you, you deserve more than me, you deserve flowers, and chocolates and sweet-nothings and-,“ Hanschen was rambling and backing away quickly.

“I kissed you, you idiot.” Ernst said imploringly.

“But I can’t give you anything more than sex” Hanschen insisted still quickly gathering his things.

Ernst captured his hand with his own and used his other hand to turn Hanschen’s face so that he was looking him in the eye.

“Hanschen, listen to me. Romance isn’t better than friendship, it isn’t more important than friendship and sex without romance can still be meaningful and intimate.” Hanschen shied his gaze away so that Ernst couldn’t see the extent of how much his words were affecting him. “And as a great man once said, if you want to fuck someone, then go out and fuck someone,” and with that Ernst leant forward and kissed him as best he could when they were both smiling that smile that lit up their faces.

* * *

 


End file.
